Dear Queen Elizabeth,
Thank you very much for the success and longevity of your sixty year reign, you continue to provide pleasure and excitement for a great many people.
At this moment in time, I am still unsure as to whether I support the continuation of the Monarchy in Great Britain or not.I can see the arguments both for and against, there can be no doubt that you and your family cost the country a great deal of money but also that you all generate a far greater amount of wealth for the country and other worthy causes.
Whatever the angle I am absolutely convinced that you have dedicated your life to fulfilling the role you were born to wholeheartedly, with aplomb and integrity. You have given a great many wonderful and hard working hours in service to the people of Britain and for that I am grateful. While your job has considerable perks it is also one that I doubt many people would want to persue on such a full time ,full term basis.
Wow, I would love to have a week's stay at Balmoral  please, but spend six hours on a flower strewn barge down the Thames for the Jubilee at the age of 86? No ta very much.
We here in France( the UK proving to be above our meagre means of living at present) had  a jolly little celebration providing considerable entertainment that seemed to encompass most activities from the 'larger' Jubilee weekend. In true patriotic style we included  banners, horses, speed, competition, water( not quite the Thames) and a barge ( well a piglet built like a barge) for our special 'Diamond Jubilee Swimming Gala' .Lots of laughter and merriment was had  by all, perhaps not all parties all of the time, but  definitely  by all parties some of the time,we all had a share.

We got off to a lazy breakfast in bed/out the window;



Which was the followed by the gala.
Donut won the first heat;



before Muddy was eliminated in hers for going the wrong way;



Despite a false start on his first attempt;



Wurzel the kune piglet won his heat with a strong swim;


Note the avid spectators cheering in the background from the stables aswell as Mini and myself giving it our all at the water's edge.

( Please be aware that Wurzel proved to be quite a good swimmer, though I was all primed for a baywatch surf rescue when he first disappeared under the water.He  popped up again and made steady swim progress, which though not  particularly speedy was sufficient for average pig swimming requirements. Furthermore he didn't seem to get stressed out by the activity at all, not until Mini bit him on the nose after he hauled himself out. That was a  gross failure on the organiser's part, mine, for not rescuing him quickly enough.)

The dogs who had been feeling a little dejected through their own swims despite the fact that I had cleaned the pond out especially for them soon perked up with Wurzel's heat, very keenly urging him along.

Roger  was jealous when Wurzel won his swimming salad prize;



So I though I'd cheer him up by trying to engage him more fully in patriotic dress, but even a genuine Jubilee flag aquired by the Dogsbody in the 1977 Jubilee ( old as me!) wasn't enough to excite him, grumpy old fart!



We then moved onto other thrilling Fete games like “guess the weight of the pig”;



Even though we knew- 10kg, and the piglet was already part eaten, part frozen. He was the porcelet with the dodgy nut that we later learnt was a herniated testicle not uncommon in a male piglet apparently.



And  then moved on to “Wash the cob's smelly willy”, Rog seems to have a problem with this more than the other boys, so having become revolted watching the flies buzz in ,out and hokey cokey about the offending area I took the repulsive plunge of  getting out the '  Barrier  natural sheath cleaner' that claims to soften sharp smegma. I'm not really one to plug a product, but I must say  this does what it says on the tin, without causing any reaction and is far and away the best thing I've ever used for the grizzly task.


It's a bit of a grim job from my point of view though Rog seems to enjoy it  nowadays, he used to kick me if he could. It smells to high heaven but the dogs think it produces lots of original , tasty little party nibbles. I wonder if Pippa wants to put that in her next book?

So after all these high jinks we sat down to tea. As you will have read we're not exactly flush at the moment so we had to resort to  the more tribal specialities of barbequed dog;




It was bit sad  as Mud's has been a good dog and swam well, but she proved to be tasty nonetheless and it was a fitting finale to a great day.

Your majesty I would like to thank you for giving us all a great reason to celibrate, such occasions  provide an opportunity for us all to unite, have fun and share a great day, a lasting memory of an historical event.

 I would also like to say that I think you looked  positively glowing and were dressed immaculately as always.You have done us  all proud!

Yours sincerely
Everyone at Wychwell x x x